If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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