Where are you?
In a non slutty way
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
