Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
