I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize