I need to stop coming to work sober
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
