Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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