Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
