We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
