Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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