I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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