I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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