Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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