she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
