You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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