I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
