You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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