I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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