somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize