My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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