I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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