Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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