my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
