I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
