i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize