at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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