enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
