Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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