Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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