just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
