MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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