i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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