I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
