Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
