you turned your livingroom into a bong?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
