Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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