Soap is not a condiment
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
