can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
