Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
