She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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