Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
