everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
