So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
