They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
