then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
