My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
