yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
