i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
