It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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