They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
