sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize