you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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