I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
