Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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