he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
