He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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