why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize