Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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