my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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