who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
