omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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