Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
