I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
