see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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