What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
