I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
