So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
