I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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