Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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