I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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