He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
