So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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