After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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