My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize