playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
